It amounts to the same; absolutely nothing.

Tonight was the first time in a while that something you posted somewhere hurt. Everything, when it comes from you, always bothers me; but today, i nearly cried. And it isn't the grey shirt you wore. Or the blue jeans that you were wearing. It wasn't the two black chihuahuas you held on top of your blue jeans. It was that i didn't take that picture. It was that you weren't holding those two puppies in pose for a picture taken to show the new members of your already lovely family. It hurt that those puppies weren't ours but yours and hers. Her "ours"; never ours. It hadn't hit me, at least not this clearly, that you have your life and family made and that it doesn't include me. 

Tonight, i lay on the right side of bed listening to the cure because, charlotte, sometimes, i dream myself awake. And because, JL, sometimes sometimes i wish i didn't. Tonight, my dear, i've felt you the farthest away when you should have been so close to me.