slow show.

this is one more entry about you on a blog that has been active for nearly three years and not a single post has been about you. i told you, and myself, that the last entry was the last entry and i kept my promise for two years, but the promise has been broken today.

i don't expect anything from you, not even when we make plans for me to go down on you. i always know that i am too much chicken-shit to follow through and i never think you're gonna initiate anything for the simple fact that you are you and i am me. and me has never been interesting enough, or attractive enough. so i just see you and hope that i can just look at your beautiful face for a few hours and go on with my life the following day. 

well, last night i left your apartment with shaky knees and heart beating so hard i thought i would spit it out right at your feet; and the past five years gathered in my mouth as if this was the last moment of my life and the only thing i could come up with was us. and it hasn't been a minute since i last thought about it. i can see your face so close to mine, smiling, holding my face in your precious hands, leaning in with parted mouths and broken hearts. and you kissed me. and i can't stop replaying it in my head since. and i left your place smiling and i can't stop. and even if it didn't mean anything to you, i meant the world to me. and no, i can no longer go on with my life like i planned.

i just want to kiss you every day.