Paige and Elizabeth.

This is about how i used to write shit anywhere and paige knew it was about her. and about how i haven't liked anyone as much as i liked elizabeth in some time. and how i'm sometimes so exhausted my brain can't process my thoughts. This is about how i feel so lost most of the time and i can't seem to even retrace my steps. And i will look in all directions and still can't manage to find my place. This is how my heart beats for myself but not with myself. Like it's not in unison with me. How i never seem to fully catch my breath. How i am full of empty sighs and shallow breaths. And sometimes i wanna die. This is about the time you told me you wanted to spoil me. And this is about the time you told me you were in love with me and didn't mean it. It's about laughing in the presence of company when all i want to do is curl up in my bed and cry. But i don't, because the next morning i will wake up with eyes so swollen and tired that i won't want to get out of bed. This is about you tonguing the roof of my mouth and how i think about it every time i masturbate. This is about you asking me constantly about your vagina. It's about this heaviness in my shoulders i can't shake off and the knots of nerves that are building in my neck. This is about me being 28 years old and aching to cut just so i can feel something physical and not emotional. It's about your stupid brown eyes. And your stupid brown eyes, too. This is about my index and middle finger cracking but not my ring or pinky. It's about that hollow space in the pit of my stomach that fills with fucking butterflies when i see your face anywhere on the internet. This is about you kissing me goodbye like it meant something. This is about you holding my hand like i was someone to you. And how you nuzzled on my neck like if i was yours. This is not about you. Or you. This is about me.