you begged me for days to join you in a crusade of dinner and awkward conversation with the daughter you never knew
crossing your fingers in hopes that i'd be able to be a part of endless chatter and beer
insisting that 8pm isn't too late when i lied to you about getting off late from work
lying about you dying to see me
at 8:30pm i sent you a message
i showered and reflected on my hesitancy
why was i so reluctant to go?
i finished taking a shower and there was no reply from you
i didn't even bother getting ready
9:30pm, 10pm, 10:30pm, 10:35pm, 11pm
and i remembered how well i know you
how 29 years have taught me that some people never change
and i felt 10 again
and how i used to wait for your phone calls and how you never showed up
and i felt 16 again
and i remembered how endlessly disappointing you always have been
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