I am having difficulty processing saturday, sunday, and monday.
Here it goes:
I have been talking to a girl i met online for around two weeks. She messaged me that i was adorable and we spent the next few day texting endlessly about our eachother's lives. We were good morning eachother every morning and good nighting as well. Things always seem promising at first. She invited me out for a free music festival in echo park and this is when shit became odd. We added eachother on a couple of social media sites, she would type my name in posts that reminder her of me and i would do the same. She sent me very explicit pictures of herself and the day before meeting, she became worried that i was gonna flake out on her. Texting me if i was okay late at night; i had fallen asleep early that night.
Anyway, i arrive to los angeles on noon, on saturday. I catch a cab and head out to echo park. The heat was blazing and my cab driver sucked dick. Anyway, she was an hour late. She had told me she was coming down with her sister and another friend and they would be bringing their significant others. I guess, my bad, i took that as me being her date. She texted me that she had arrived and approached the area where i was and gave me those side hugs i hate. I would have bitched more about it but it was probably 100 degrees and i was sweating balls. She was wearing a hat, forest green shorts (her legs, omg), a black shirt, and doc martens. We approached the stage and we made very brief conversation before the band began to play. After the band stopped we went to eat at a cuban place where shit was awkward but tolerable and she kept staring at me to make me nervous and then laughed at me when i blushed. We were all finished eating and headed out again; her sister, friend, and friend's boyfriend were with us, as well. We arrived at the parking lot where she had a smoke. We just stood, leaning out in silence as she took a drag out of her cigarette. Once we started walking again she would walk very close to me, but there were a lot of people on the street, so i didn't think much of if. she even touched my hand, almost like wanting to hold it and i held on to her finger to let her know that i wanted it too but we just continued to walk. We laughed about water at a hipster grocery store. And met up with her friends outside and she had a small can of some mixture of energy drink and alcohol, of which i took a sip, plus possibly a hit of weed. And again, we were off. Went to a venue where a bad version of alice in chains was playing next to a dog store and again joked around about leashes and collars being worn not only on dogs. We had definitely loosened up. We went back outside and she wanted more of that drink so back to the liquor store we went. As we were leaving the venue, she held on to my hand and apologized for being awkward, to which i told her it was okay since i was the same. We held hands the way to the liquor store and the way back. When we got to the venue, she let go but had her hand on my shoulder the whole time. And when her band was playing, she kept running her fingers through my hair and caressing my shoulders. I was caressing her legs. The band stopped playing and we walked near the exit where she lit up a cigarette, looked at me, and simply said "kiss?" so i leaned in and we began kissing... Not just small kisses, but full out making out. I still feel her tonguing the roof of my mouth. This went on for a while. We stop making out briefly and she kisses my cheek and i kiss hers and again we go. We are in the middle of a band playing and we're making out and then another band goes on and we're still making out. She finally takes me by the hand outside where again, we make out. She bites on my lower lip and i make a sound she likes and bites it again. I kiss her neck and collarbone. We finally make way to a pizza place, hand in hand, someone tells us we make a really cute couple and we just laugh. We buy pizza and she leans her head on my shoulder. One of her friends makes a sexual innuendo with a bottle to which she stretches out my closed fisted arm and says the bottle is not enough. Someone makes a remark about her makeup being gone to which she says "this happened" referring to me. However, i think i caught her sending nudes to a boy but i am not completely certain. We head out, since i have to catch my bus at 11 and we makeout for a good 10 minutes outside her car. She's grabbing my boobs and so am i. And again, we're off. They drop me off at the bus station, she gets out and hugs me and kisses me goodbye.
She texts me on sunday if i made it home okay. We have awkward small talk and that's it. Monday she texts me a client's name we again have small talk and i just ask her kind of if we're just friends or what's up to which she replies that she wants to take things slow but she's also moving to oklahoma at the end of the year for two years. And it's been small texts exchanges since then.
I don't know what happened. I am having a hard time processing all that affection leading to nowhere. Like, it's done. That was it. I feel super shitty about it because i don't kiss people i don't like. I feel like someone built me allll the way up in one day and just let me completely down. I am so confused.
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