the sun was high, and so was i.

the less emo version of a previous text.


the sun was high. los angeles was at 97 degrees according to snapchat and i could definitely feel the sun's ultraviolet rays sink into my shoulders. i walked the streets of echo park looking for shade but to no avail, i failed. i walked into a hipster bookstore searching for her favorite book, but i failed at finding it as well. she texted me that she'd be "here" in 15 minutes. we were supposed to meet at noon, it was already 12:45. i walked towards the festival and let the sun scorch down on me. i found momentary refuge beneath a palm tree next to a dumpster; beggars can't be choosers, and watched as a band played on. there were probably around 10 people watching. she texted me again apologizing, stating that her sister drives like a grandma. i laughed and told her not to worry. about 30 minutes later she tells me where she is and that she's walking to where i am. i am nervous. i have met multiple people online but it had been a good while since i did and pretty girls with dark hair just always have a way of intimidating me that few other girls have. she texts me that she sees me. i look around and she approaches me and gives me those shitty side hugs i hate but it's the sun is blazing and it's making me sweat so i don't bitch too much about it. we make awkward small talk as we walk to the stage. she came with her sister and a family friend she calls her son. we stand next to eachother silently for the 30 minute show, she danced the whole time and her hand kept grazing mine; i didn't think too much of it. after her band stopped playing, we go to a cuban place to eat. she orders for me and i pay. i don't think anyone understands the satisfaction i get when i pay for a girl's food. we sit across from eachother, with her sister next to her. we make awkward conversation and we eat. she stares at me and it makes me nervous and she quickly catches on so she tells me "i'm just gonna stare at you" to which i reply nervously not to and begin to blush. she continues to do so and laughs at me for blushing and i blush more with every word and every cute laugh and smile that this girl's mouth provides. i try to take a picture of her while she eats but i almost get caught so i stop. we head out back to the festival. she's very attentive and offers me water and asks if i need anything multiple times. i am not used to this kind of attention and it makes me anxious. we want to stay out of the sun so we go into a goth store with bats and ouija boards and taxidermy. we bond over cute necklaces with dead scorpions inside. we again head out to a hipster grocery store where we laugh about overpriced hipster jelly and pick out cute water bottles; the winner was a hawaii water bottle that cost me like a dollar each. we meet up with her clique outside the hipster grocery store where one of her friends gives her a can of some type of alcoholic beverage mixed with energy drink and again, we head out to see the band she wanted to see. we walk very closely to eachother and i feel like she tries to grab on to my hand so i grab her finger to let her know i am okay with this. we joke around at a pet store where they sell collars that could very easily be used on humans and we laugh at that. she buys a chicken leg and scratches my arm gently with it. by this time, we have definitely loosened up. she finishes her drink and asks me to go the liquor store to get some so off we go again. as soon as we leave the small venue area, she reaches for my hand and holds it. everything in me is yelling because as awkward as it's been, i like this girl and shit like this doesn't just happen to me. she apologizes for being quiet at first, saying she stiffens up during these situations to which i tell her i'm the same way. we go hand in hand into the liquor store looking for the same beverage she had, "lavish" is the name. i ask the cashier and he was no idea what i'm talking about but looks in their storage and finds the last one. she says "aww, you asked." i ask if she wants something else but she says no and we head out. she takes me by the hand, her hand in front of mine and i unclasp our fingers and change positions; she give a little chuckle. we walk back to the venue and she let's go of my hand as soon as we enter it. i think nothing of it. we get closer to the stage and she puts her hand on my shoulder and leaves it there. i caress her leg while the band plays. she moves her hand up to my nape and starts caressing my head. her long nails, digging through my hair, giving me chills; making me wet. she then reaches to my other shoulder and makes her way to my ear then back to my head, just gently caressing it. if we weren't in a public place, i would have probably moaned. my body was filled with goosebumps. the show is over and she goes to take a picture with the lead singer, i take it with my phone. we spread out from the audience and she lights a cigarette. she offers me one but i decline politely. she looks at me and says "kiss?" and i lean in and we just begin to make out. she sucks on my lower lip and i suck on her top lip. she tongues the roof of my mouth and my knees get weak. a band was just beginning to play when we started kissing and there was a different band coming on stage when we stopped. we go outside where her "son" and his girlfriend are. he tells her "hey, your chin makeup is gone, what happened?" she is holding my hand and lifts it up and says "this happened" and we laugh. she kisses my cheek and i kiss hers and we kiss again. she bites my lip and i make sound that makes her laugh and she bites it again. by the time we stop kissing we notice her sister and her friends going to a pizza place so she takes me by the hand and we follow them. we have slice of pizza each and her stoner friends make a sexual innuendo with a bottle, she compares my hand to the bottle and says the bottle isn't big enough. she leans her head on my shoulder and everything inside me feels warm. it's late and i still have to catch a bus to san diego so we go to the parking lot where we lean against her car and and make out again. she grabs my boobs over my shirt and i have never been so excited watching a girl doing this to me. her long nails trying to make my nipple erect over my shirt. i try to undo the clasp on her shirt but i can't so she does it for me and i pinch her nipple, i feel her body react. her right leg gets in between mine and she just makes subtle movements with her body. we stop and get in the car and drive to the bus station. we arrive and she gets out of the car, hugs me, and kisses me goodbye.

i have a feeling i won't see this girl ever again.
and a part of me is okay with that and a part of me is devastated by it.